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8/8/12

In memory of my dad

This November it will be 9 years since my dad passed away. It is so bizarre to even think its been that long ago already! (sorry for the bad quality pictures)


My dad died of lung cancer when I was 14 years old. I have never really expressed how it made me feel until now:

When you are 14 years old, there is so much going on in your life. That's when girls start to like boys, wanting to be popular, going through awkward stages, and a mess of emotions we have developed. At that age you are tempted with cigarettes, drugs, sex and a lot of stuff you wouldn't really think of. I know it sounds like a really young age to go through that but that's when I started to see it happen to all my friends. Not me. I was and always have been that person afraid to do everything. Which I really thank God for, because I am so thankful I never got caught up in the wrong crowd. 

While all my "friends" were into doing all that, I was sitting in the hospital waiting for my dad to get better. For us being a Christian family, we had no doubt that he was going to get better. We had people in there everyday praying over him. I mean I didn't think that someone could die within 3 weeks of finding out they had cancer... 
Well my dad was emitted into the hospital at the end of October for radiation and chemotherapy to treat his lung cancer. Each day the cancer spread through more and more of his body. When he first entered the hospital he walked in, wrote his name perfect, and could eat like a normal person. Each day it got harder and harder for him to do that. By the 3rd week he was in there, he couldn't walk, go to the bathroom, eat, or even breathe and his signature was a scribble. 

I remember sometime in that 3 weeks, he was home. He had in-home care, but couldn't even last a night. His oxygen tank ran low and they didn't bring him a new one. I remember my mom leaving me alone with him while she went to try to get him one. He stared at me with the worst look ever. I will never forget that night because it was the first time I was absolutely terrified! I just started bawling my eyes out because I knew I couldn't help him. My mom couldn't get any help either so we had to call 911 to get him back into the hospital. 


After that he never came back home. 

I wrote this post because it's getting harder and harder to remember what his voice sounded like, his weird or annoying habits, or just basic memories of him. All I know is that he was AMAZING. I remember him doing everything for my mom, they had a love like no other. The Notebook is basically an easy way to describe their love. He did whatever he could for her, and it showed because after he died, she had to learn how to pump gas... and so did I. I remember us bawling our eyes out because we had no clue how to do it, because that was just something he has always done for her. They were together since they were 9 years old. THAT'S CRAZY!! 


Losing him made me a really strong person but also because I had no choice. It made me grow up fast and made me take on a LOT of responsibilities. I think I did more work and growing up in the year that I was 14, then most people do by the time they are 30. I pray to God that people never have to go through that, because it made my life sooo much harder and it still hurts to this day. It's just crazy to say that I only got to know my dad for such a short amount of time.  
It also brought me closer to God, and having him help me on my journey. 

Can't wait to see him again!!! 




9 comments:

  1. Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog the other day.
    I am especially moved by the story about your dad. It must have been so difficult losing a parent at such a young age. My grandmother passed away from lung cancer as well. It is such a terrible disease that takes too many from us too soon. Continue to stay strong and make your father proud!

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    1. Thank you! Lung cancer is terrible and one of the worst illnesses I have seen. I am sorry for your loss as well :( Thanks again! It means a lot!

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  2. Hello there. I found your blog because I saw that you followed me..thank you so much for visiting. I'm your newest follower too :)

    I want to say that this post made me tear up and pulled at my heart strings. Thank you for sharing your feelings and for such a moving post. It is never easy to lose someone you love so much, especially at such a young age. I know you will see you father again. God has provided a way for it, I know it. I hope you can find comfort in that, in the memories of your dad, and in Heavenly Father's help. <3 Lots of love to you! Glad to be new bloggy friends ;)

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    1. I was crying while writing it, so that was pretty hard. Losing him at that time was just extra hard but God helped me through it! Thank you so much! <3 Always glad to meet new bloggy friends too! :) God Bless

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  3. This post brought many tears as I can so very well relate to your loss as I just lost my Daddy to cancer in April. Thankfully, we are a Christian family (he was a pastor), and we know he is with his Lord. I am so scared of forgetting special memories, his voice, his hugs, etc. I pray the Lord will comfort you. I also wanted to let you know I have nominated you for a blog award at http://faithhopeabound.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks, I am sorry for your loss as well. It is such a hard thing to go through. It is such a great feeling to know they are with the Lord now! Thanks again!

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  4. i am so sorry about your dad. i just lost my dad to lung cancer in january and know how awful it is. he was only 45 years old and never smoked. life is seriously unfair sometimes. if you ever wanna talk, i'd love to <3


    xo brie
    www.sophistifunkblog.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you. Yeah lung cancer is terrible and such a horrible thing to watch someone go through. My dad was only 43 or something like that... can't really remember. My dad smoked but still, no one deserves that. I just know that I will never smoke. Thank you so much! Kindness means so much!

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  5. I hope by writing this post it helped you get the healing you so desperately need.

    I was 17 when my mom died of cancer. It made me grow up quick.

    I had to give her shots for pain and lots of pills. My dad had only 2 mnths. before he could retire so he had to work and leave me with all the responsibilities. So ya I know what its like. Great blog

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