This November it will be 9 years since my dad passed away. It is so bizarre to even think its been that long ago already! (sorry for the bad quality pictures)
My dad died of lung cancer when I was 14 years old. I have never really expressed how it made me feel until now:
When you are 14 years old, there is so much going on in your life. That's when girls start to like boys, wanting to be popular, going through awkward stages, and a mess of emotions we have developed. At that age you are tempted with cigarettes, drugs, sex and a lot of stuff you wouldn't really think of. I know it sounds like a really young age to go through that but that's when I started to see it happen to all my friends. Not me. I was and always have been that person afraid to do everything. Which I really thank God for, because I am so thankful I never got caught up in the wrong crowd.
While all my "friends" were into doing all that, I was sitting in the hospital waiting for my dad to get better. For us being a Christian family, we had no doubt that he was going to get better. We had people in there everyday praying over him. I mean I didn't think that someone could die within 3 weeks of finding out they had cancer...
Well my dad was emitted into the hospital at the end of October for radiation and chemotherapy to treat his lung cancer. Each day the cancer spread through more and more of his body. When he first entered the hospital he walked in, wrote his name perfect, and could eat like a normal person. Each day it got harder and harder for him to do that. By the 3rd week he was in there, he couldn't walk, go to the bathroom, eat, or even breathe and his signature was a scribble.
I remember sometime in that 3 weeks, he was home. He had in-home care, but couldn't even last a night. His oxygen tank ran low and they didn't bring him a new one. I remember my mom leaving me alone with him while she went to try to get him one. He stared at me with the worst look ever. I will never forget that night because it was the first time I was absolutely terrified! I just started bawling my eyes out because I knew I couldn't help him. My mom couldn't get any help either so we had to call 911 to get him back into the hospital.
After that he never came back home.
I wrote this post because it's getting harder and harder to remember what his voice sounded like, his weird or annoying habits, or just basic memories of him. All I know is that he was AMAZING. I remember him doing everything for my mom, they had a love like no other. The Notebook is basically an easy way to describe their love. He did whatever he could for her, and it showed because after he died, she had to learn how to pump gas... and so did I. I remember us bawling our eyes out because we had no clue how to do it, because that was just something he has always done for her. They were together since they were 9 years old. THAT'S CRAZY!!
Losing him made me a really strong person but also because I had no choice. It made me grow up fast and made me take on a LOT of responsibilities. I think I did more work and growing up in the year that I was 14, then most people do by the time they are 30. I pray to God that people never have to go through that, because it made my life sooo much harder and it still hurts to this day. It's just crazy to say that I only got to know my dad for such a short amount of time.
It also brought me closer to God, and having him help me on my journey.
Can't wait to see him again!!!